And I will watch in the background...
It's one of the worst years of my life. Of course, there were other times when it felt like the world was to end - and it was something many were expecting to happen yesterday (but didn't anyway). This year made me feel like shit, plunged me down under and got me at my lowest. I wanted to getaway and wanted to disappear.
Then a turn of events took place mid year. I was still in the battle ground between shitheads, tards and well, I guess the righteous. Then I was torn apart and broken, and made a life decision that would go have me burn in hell.
Now 2013 looks quite hopeful.
Worst case? It's when they only treat you as a friend because they need you on their side. Any deviation in opinion or disposition will create much of a barrier between you and them. Well that's what happened recently. I looked up to that person. I adored her, admired her talent and have treated her like an older sister. Then here came an issue where we had separate ideas.
It was hard for me to stand up for someone that the majority hates, she being one of them. I tried to let her understand that any change in opinion will not change how I am towards her, but she changed towards me and even spoke ill of me. So much for adoration, I completely lost trust and respect. It's one of those cases that everything I believed in seemed to fall apart.
Today I realized one thing a friend of mine said - DON'T TRUST ANYONE.
Hard but it's a must.
Anyways, I was at the grocery store this morning and while I was in line at the cashier, I notice everyone was holding some alcoholic drunk. Gin, rum... the usual hard drinks (Emperador, Matador, Tanduay, Ginebra...) Then I looked around, to my right was an old woman with three baskets of groceries and one Emperador Lights. In front of my was another old woman with four Emperador Lights. Behind me was a teenage dude with Ginebra and Tang Grape Juice.
And in front of us were boxes of rum...
I am quite tempted to get a bottle then I thought I don't have anyone to drink with anyways... and I have no plans of leaving the house. Oh well, now that I am pseudo-single I suppose I'll have more parties!
Thing are good, things are great, things get worse and most things break.
More things have been happening, though I don't really feel like that I have the liberty to write it all. Or maybe I just don't have the strength or mood to even start jotting it down. Being in the company, so far, is fine. There were down moments but they weren't that bad. One of my best friend's is acting more like a girlfriend and I begin to not really understand her at all. Somewhat, I get the point and it's really annoying that I seem like the bad guy in some aspect.
Anyways, I don't really have much time for that now. I have other friends, I can move forward.
After three years, Geof and I broke up. Finally. It's an awfully irritating story to tell, but again I'm moving forward. Whatever I'm into right now is also complicated.
To cut it short, my life is having more twists and turns. And yes, it's me (and some people around me) who made it more complicated.
...he's playing Dota 2 with his boys
...for about two hours now
So I demanded that he gives me a laptop to use so I won't get bored.
Finally some time together!
That being said, Jen, Lou, Fe and I went out to have a good night out. It was great, we talked about lives and how we've changed. We talked about all the good and shitty things going on and have happened. Nothing really beats chat time with your best buds!
It may have been quite a long time but talking to them feels really good. This is the time that I'm really grateful that I have friends like them. Some people come and go. In fact, many friends seem to just pass you by. I've met some people that I thought I'd stick with for life - but then you realize they're just not there for you. If you fail to communicate with them once, the friendship seems to be over.
Anyways, there are two sets of friends that I have that are very important. They're the ones who are always there, regardless of time and distance.
Hey, we're still kids! No matter how old we are, we'd always be the same when we're together.
But we still get old (unfortunately) and with comes changes. Oh hey, we got a baby boy with us! Fe's Marco
Notice the changes? Lol, who got fatter?
Card games are always there! Plus alcohol and food. Lol. I still suck at cards tho... (and Jen, that is an ugly bunch)
WAVE!! It's unfair, two of them are attacking me!
Nothing beats teh JUMP SHOT!
It's the photo that's always present especially when you go on trips to resorts, the beach... or anywhere actually
I love you gurls!
More to come...
So now we're planning to get together more often. Actually, we should. We're not getting any younger, we must enjoy life!
Since Multiply's closing down, this will be my only blog (except for my Wonderland where I post le fashion thingies and all). Anyways, I was reading around and saw my sad, sad posts. It's funny in a way - I sound horrible! Anyways, depression comes and goes. What can I say.
Along with the other stuffies I read I found my list, so here lemme update that:
It only shows complete weakness and immaturity.
No, you are not invincible. Yes, every now and then you have to fall down but learn to stand back up. No, you don't need to hate the world - it's not their fault that you have a pathetic life.
Make your life worth it and stop acting that like it's everyone's fault that you turned out to be a mess.
You see, I've been down that road before back in highschool and college. I guess I've been there before for most of my life. I was full of rage and hate. It's what fueled me. It went two ways - I had manic depression (which I still have to face every now and then), but I was also able to be successful. I had to defeat everything. I have to become what people think I would never be.
Here I am now. I may not be that epic person that can boast about their achievements, but here I am happy with my job, my family, my photography and my friends.
You can always turn your hate into something constructive.
Do you think that telling the world how much you hate them and how they cannot destroy you (followed by fucks and curses) will really do anything? No, seriously?
Hearing things like that from an adult person is really distasteful. I would feel for a teenager, even someone in their early 20's - it's the dilemma of a young adult. When you're 25 and you still think like that, man better start thinking cuz your life ain't gonna make you younger.
Yesterday, I was talking with my manager. I was just chilling on the lounge by his table and we were just chatting and I asked him, "do you think I'm immature?"
"What do you think?" he went back.
"Sir Jun, I'm asking you a question. You're... you're using that "question-technique" of yours again," I frowned. My boss has his ways of making interestingly LONG conversations.
"Kimi, what is your definition of immaturity?"
"I think it's subjective. People say I am because I talk like this, because I'm colorful, because.. I'm different."
He smiled, "do you think you're immature?"
"No." I said firmly.
"If a person says that your pants are green," he pointed at my lavender skinny jeans. "Is it green?"
"No. It isn't."
My boss went on, "then what do you think?"
Again we had an extra long debate, similar to what we had the other day. It was fun (and yes, it's in English).
Now, come to think about it - I was immature in some of my answers. That, well, answered my question.
WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT WE ARE.
We know deep within ourselves that we are strong, that we can handle things, and we also know when it's time to have someone help us. I see so many people pretending to be something they're not - pretending to be happy when they feel pain, pretending to be indestructible when they are already broken.
Admit your sadness, admit your pain, admit your immaturity, admit your weaknesses - then do something about it!
...instead of posting pretentious shit.
Moving forward. It's a term that I learned from some of my managers whenever we make big time fuck-ups. It's done and let's all move forward. It's actually easier said, and truth is we don't really move forward. A part of that fuck up remains with us no matter how "over" we consider it to be.
It's just a term. We can live on with it, but trust me not everyone will.
Anyways, I'm moving on with my life and recently I thought I really shouldn't give a damn about everything. I mean, my world doesn't revolve on just one thing alone - there's more to it and I'm actually a really, really busy person so there's no reason for my depression to linger over one silly chapter of my autobiography.